8 Things people don’t tell you about marriage

You wake up one day and realize that you are in a relationship that has lasted what, 3-4 years and say to yourself I am ready to take the next step, I am ready to get married.

You have already discussed everything there is to discuss, money arrangements, careers,  you even decided how many children you are going to have; and on top of that every time you are scrolling down your feed you come across pictures of your married friends indulging the married life.

But let me tell you something, whatever you see on social media, or in public about married couples is just the highlight of their lives. And while it can be so good there are many many thing people don’t tell you about marriage.

  • Bye-bye Mr. Perfect.

When dating we tend to be on our best behavior, you get to show the greatest side of your personality and your goody two-shoes habits. But once you move in together you will get to see the not so perfect side of your partner.

Morning routines might include him trimming his beard over the sink or her leaving off the razor and hair straightener over it.

Nothing much you can do about it, but to adapt to someone else sharing your space.

  • You need to pay the bills.

As soon as you step foot in that house of yours and turn on your lights, your electricity meter will start marking along with many other bills.

As your financial responsibilities rise many “you look good” conversations will end up about how and what to spend your money on.

No matter how big of struggle it might be sometimes, leave everyone out of it. Financial decisions are solely your couple’s responsibility.

  • For better and for worse, not a joke.

You loved your partner ever since you started seeing each other, however their problems were not always yours.

When they had money problems they went for their father’s help, when they were sick it was mama who made tea and tucked them in.

Good or bad, you are in for it all.

  • You will feel baby pressure.

Whether you decided to get pregnant right away or to indulge in the twosome life, the pressure of having children is real.

Might this pressure come from well-meaning grandparents, friends, noisy neighbors, stick to your baby plans and be happy with it because unless they will wake up at night over the crying baby’s screams or figure out school tuition, it is no one else’s business.

  • You will crave some alone time.

When you were dating and your night ended you couldn’t wait to hook up again the next day.

Well guess what, now they will always be there. When you wake up, when you sleep when you go in and out of the shower, when you are reading your book or watching your favorite movie for the 50th time.

And there is nothing you can do about it but to learn to be alone together where each of you does their own thing.

  • Pick your battles.

At the beginning phases of your marriage you want to build your ground, proof your points, put your foot down, mostly you want to always be right so you end up arguing about every little drive you nuts detail.

One argument after the other, you will figure out that you cannot always be right and have it your way, so you will choose to let the little things go and spare yourself some moments of peace.

  • You can’t just leave.

Before marriage, when you would get into a fight and couldn’t take it anymore, you would disappear cool off and come back or sometimes not.

However now, no matter how outrageous was your fight, you have to deal with it by all means.

There will be no such thing as taking a time off. Solve your shit and move on.

  • Your decisions will no longer affect just you.

Kiss goodbye to those gossip drunken nights at your bestie’s, that bar hopping night with the guys, spending 500$ on a pair of shoes or a car accessory.

You now have a permanent plus one on your list, if it doesn’t suit them as it suits you, reconsider your plans.

I know it all sounds so cynical, but actually it is not. Because in spite of all the realistic stuff you have to adapt to, you will know that your partner is your teammate, and because of them you won’t have to battle the world on your own anymore.

 

 

 

 

Books i would read again and again

Nothing compares to snuggling under a soft blanket and reading one of these books.

  • The prince – Niccolò Machiavelli
  • The art of war – Niccolò Machiavelli
  • The 48 laws of power – Robert Greene
  • Rich dad poor dad – Robert Kiyosaki
  • Awaken the giant within – Anthony Robbins
  • Unlimited power – Anthony Robbins
  • Who moved my cheese – Spencer Johnson
  • Attitude 101 – John c. Maxwell
  • 7 Habits of highly effective people – Stephen R. Covey
  • Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austin
  • The alchemist – Paulo Coelho
  • Veronika decides to die – Paulo Coelho
  • The devil and miss Prym – Paulo Coelho
  • The fifth mountain – Paulo Coelho
  • Eleven minutes – Paulo Coelho

Top 5 Dos and Don’ts learned in 2016

  • Eat healthy but do not obsess:

In this day and age, with all the chemically injected food and drinks, the new molecular viruses forming and attacking our bodies, we all should pay a little more attention to what comes into our bodies.

Do consume less fast food, switch from canned to frozen goods, maybe start to add organic food to your shopping list.

Don’t obsess about it, it is okay to have a fatty meal every now and then, consider yourself living on the edge and have that regular celery whenever you couldn’t find that organic celery and most importantly don’t talk too much about it being healthy is a lifestyle not a brag show.

  • Be active on social media but filter your posts:

No matter how much people try to deny it, everyone is addicted to social media.

Do post, share, like, react, follow, tweet, re-tweet, and snap, whatever is the platform of your choice. It is always nice to share with your entourage some personal moments, a thought you had, your opinion about a trending subject or maybe every trending subject, an interesting article you have read, etc. but remember it is a fine line between being active on social media and having a social media posting diarrhea.

Don’t let the concept of overshare elude you, always know when to draw that red thin line. Be picky about what you post. Your content defines you, and most importantly respect the privacy of the people around you especially those who cannot advocate for themselves – yes I am talking about kids, of course no one would dislike a proud parent moment but next time you decide to post a picture of your baby during their bathtub hit discard instead of post.

  • Speak up your mind but not at other’s account:

If you have something to say do not hold back, speak up, say what you have to say loud and clear no matter how tough a certain truth is.

Remember that no matter what you say the way you say it makes all the difference, therefore be respectful and considerate to all those reading or listening to whatever you had to say.

Do no cross the line between the liberty of speech and offensive dialogue, because eventually in the end what you say reflects on you and you solely.

  • Be inspired, but do not plagiarize:

Originality is hard to find these days. I get it, it is not always easy to create. I think there is nothing wrong with looking around, searching for what has been done before, looking at other peoples’ ideas and improving them.

A hot dog stand, well yeah we all know you did not create that idea, but add one original twist to it and you are master of all hot dog stands out there. But copying someone else’s stand wouldn’t get you anywhere. And that applies to all areas of all businesses.

Do base yourself on already created ideas, do spice them up, and do give them your own unique touch.

Do not plagiarize, because see the difference between inspiration and identity theft is just a layer of wafer thin ice.

  • Wear Designer clothes but don’t forget the basics:

I am no fashion expert, but I hear it is like social media we try to fight it but eventually we find ourselves wearing those flared pair of jeans and those old-new head bands in-style.

No living woman wouldn’t like being dressed by a designer’s piece of clothing, but then again that fine line most people seem to miss.

Do wear at least one designer item in your outfit, it can be any item worn from head to toes and in the same time make sure to wear at least one basic item.

Don’t let yourself look like a clown whose closet threw up on.

see ya!

Stop biting your nails and just pick a direction!

From which major should I study, which career path should I pursue, should I get married or should I break up, should we have kids now or wait one more year, to what do you want for dinner, should we go out or stay in, which dress to wear tonight…

Endless number of questions and endless line of decisions to take.

Hard enough the decision, comes the doubt and guilt afterwards – did I make the right decision, am I going to regret it, oh God I should have done the opposite….

Have you ever thought why you come to a point that you are so torn between several choices? Have you ever thought about what makes that decision so very hard to take?

A hard decision is only hard when the outcomes of your choices are so similar.

In an easy decision there is always one alternative better than the other however in a hard choice the outcomes of both alternatives are so similar making it so hard for you to make up your mind.

So whenever you are in front of a brain teaser, do not take it for granted, pick up that pen and paper, write down the good and bad of each option you have and pair each point with a number that would represent its importance and weight of effect on you.

This method can help you take that decision in 2 ways:

  • You get to see each point of strength/weakness regarding the alternatives you have.
  • You get to weight know exactly which point really matters to you.

Yes I know how time consuming can it be, or maybe boring or whatever excuse you may find, but trust me force yourself to do it once and you will do it every time.

 

God!! how old fashioned have i sounded up there, pick up that “pen and paper”… i actually meant your iPad 🙂

What’s for dinner?

My partner and I have been together for around 6 years now, and we seem to be doing pretty well.

Like all couples we argue a lot but come around each time, it’s not rocket science we just try to meet each other half way, and when that doesn’t work we just agree to disagree. It is not easy I know but not that hard, but just saying lots of couples I know should try that.

But see the thing is that no matter how well we got it all figured out and no matter how much we seem to have it together, it appears to me that we always fail at simple decisions making. Enters the questions “what do you want for dinner”, “where do you want to go”.

It is amazing how two well rounded adults cannot come to answer those 2 simple questions.

Believe me it is within less than a second that any of these 2 questions can declare world war III in da house.

I am telling you not even the most eligible relationship guru out there can figure out the answer to these questions.

So if you have that same thing going on for you, fear not, you are not the only one out there, i guess 99% of the world population has that same argument going each night….

Just Saying